GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

Modern life is tough and computer games are getting tougher. GCHQ is offering several opportunities to improve your skills at shoot ’em up games.

Hone your skills by murdering real people in real time with our new drone opportunities. We can’t murder people in the UK but we can murder them with drones anywhere else (except America of course).

You can even choose the nationality of the people you wish to murder, we control drones everywhere! Want to murder someone in a country we are not at war with – no problem!

This opportunity is only open to people who have really poor computer game skills – we like a lot of casualties in our strikes to terrorise everyone else (we are not terrorists though and you should not think that way).

To apply you will need to submit your top scores to at least 3 shoot ’em up games and you will be required to demonstrate how bad you are in a demonstration if called for interview.

In addition to the above benefits, you will receive:

– £30,000

– Free daily massages for your hands (all that murdering can be tough on the thumbs and wrists)