GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

We are looking to hire a contract cleaner for the Ecuadorian Embassy in Knightsbridge.

All embassys are sovereign territory except in the UK because we are GCHQ and British. We spend £5 million per year patrolling this embassy on behalf of our US overlords. We are not doing enough to violate international law and are therefore looking for an experienced cleaner who doesn’t mind leaving stuff behind.

Publishing the truth is a crime in the UK particularly where it shows the murder of innocent civilians and journalists by our trigger happy masters. Extremists in the embassy hate British values of torture, murder, mass surveillance and censorship.

Further truth telling could jeopardise the taxpayers who provide material support to our terrorist activities.


– experience installing small devices in plug sockets

– concealing electronic devices in novel places

– passion for squashing free speech


– working next to Harrods

– dental

There is no guaranteed salary and you cannot work anywhere else if you accept this job. You will be our slave.