GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

Like to vandalise public property? Want to bring people over to the Dark Side, but squeamish about the blood? Want to bludgeon people–with words?

Our saboteurs-in-training program may be right for you!

We’ll start you off small delivering propaganda payloads to London’s startup community. Because hey–even if they don’t join GCHQ, they’ll know we’re watching them, ready to commandeer their businesses with government-mandated backdoors as soon as they get big enough!

Once you’ve cut your teeth with graffiti, you can look forward to a satisfying career destroying thought criminals and their work. Our projects are varied, but include:

  • * disrupting business deals
  • * destroying friendships
  • * breaking up marriages
  • * zeroing bank balances
  • * developing fun new tools in the IoT space


— proven track record of vandalism (please include prior conviction record)

— supreme knowledge of your own righteousness

— hatred of people who disagree with you

— degree in Human Resources (but we repeat ourselves)


— That adrenaline rush you can only get from hurting other people. You know what we’re talking about. We read your dossier. (You wouldn’t be seeing this job ad if you weren’t right for the job.)

— unpaid, but opportunities to grow to Professional Saboteur abound.

— Work with the best saboteurs in the business. “You build it, we destroy it,” our motto.

— Weekly fencing competition. BYOS (Bring Your Own Sword.)

Give us six months of your life, and we’ll give you the family you never had. We won’t even beat you with a tyre iron. Ever. (We promise.)

Join JTRIG today!