GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

This is an exciting opportunity for anyone interested in travelling virtually across the globe.

You will be required to ignore international law and any laws of the country you visit. Previous work has included exciting opportunities to virtually visit Belgium (Belgacom) and Czech Republic (Gemalto).

You should have an imperialistic attitude:

– When you do something it is automatically right because you are British.

– Anyone else engaged in the same thing should be condemned in the strongest possible terms.

– When you destroy a part of another countries infrastructure you should be so proud of your actions so as to blame China or North Korea.

Desired skills include:

– Hostility towards the law or preferably no idea about the law.

– Basic computer skills and a passion for insecurity.

– Embracing secrecy for everything you do because you are always right.


– Ability to watch movies before release and blame North Korea.

– Exciting opportunities to learn about the private lives of your friends, family and anyone you have ever met.

– No accountability for your actions, you have free reign to what what you want.

Salary range: £25,000 – £45,000.