GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

Here at GCHQ, we aim to put the fun back in the War on Terror.

That’s why we’re partnering with McDonald’s to bring our “fun-sized terrorist” action figures to every happy child with a Happy Meal in Great Britain.

It’s important to teach our children our core values while they’re young–how to be cruel, how to murder people with remote-controlled robots, how to hate anyone who looks or acts or thinks different than ourselves.

Because anyone who isn’t just like us deserves to be murdered by sky death robots.

It’s fun!


— previous experience working for Rupert Murdoch

— action-figure design experience

— confirmed diagnosis as a sociopath by our in-house psychiatrist


— murder all the fun-sized terrorists you want!

— free Happy Meals from any participating McDonalds in the UK

— satisfaction of knowing you are “cutting the grass before it grows out of control”  and “pulling the weeds before they overrun the lawn”.


— like all GCHQ positions, as much as you can steal without getting caught

Fun-sized terrorists are tomorrow’s full-grown terrorists. Do you wait to pull a weed before it goes to seed? We think not.

Join the GCHQ and help us put the fun back in the War on Terror!