GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

We require a friendly person who enjoys begging to work with our American overlords.

America gained independence from Britain in the 1700s. Sometime after the first world war, Britain then became part of the USA. We are unofficially the 51st State. Currently our PM reports to the FDA, we hope one day to report to the Drone King directly.

We have a special relationship with the NSA. We are required to beg to do anything and to then follow all instructions given by the NSA.

The NSA like GCHQ have some good people. We can’t let them find out what we do. We need to circumvent them in case they blow the whistle on us. If they do we will brand them terrorists and torture them. Some people unfortunately have such a good moral compass that they will do the right thing even in the face of torture.

This role requires leasing with your NSA counterpart to ensure we do whatever is required by the NSA to circumvent their possible whistle blowers. You will be required to beg them to do stuff so we may circumvent our potential whistle blowers.


– being able to sense who is a good person

– spending time on your knees


– travel to the mother land regularly

– salary £25,000 to £50,000

If a whistle blower reveals our wrongdoing you will be punished more severely than the whistle blower. If a whistle blower reveals the wrong doing of our American overlords then we are all fucked anyway.