GCHQ’s Office of the Inspector General is looking for a deaf-mute applicant who looks good in sunglasses and can memorize canned comment for occasional parliamentary inquiries.
Like the CIA, the GCHQ has a long history of employing war criminals, embezzlers, child porn fanatics, torturers, and so forth. These people are very useful when one wishes to subvert democracy protect the upper classes from the riff raff save us from the terrorists and paedophiles.
Some may find it ironic that an agency full of paedophiles makes such a song and dance about prosecuting such people. You won’t find this strange, however. As the new head of the OIG, your sense of hypocrisy will have withered at birth along with your umbilical cord.
Really we’re serious about a deaf mute, though. See no evil, speak no evil, OIG’s motto.
Requirements:
— Deaf
— Mute
— Gray hair a bonus (makes you look distinguished)
— Complete absence of human decency
Perks:
— Occasional fact-finding trips to Thailand and Cambodia
— Meet the Prime Minister at one of his “special pig parties”
— License to indulge in every known human vice and criminal bent without remorse or consequence
— salary £50,000 to as much as you can steal
WILLINGNESS TO FOSTER A CULTURE OF “SEE NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL” CRITICAL TO SUCCESS IN THIS ROLE. THE OFFICE OF THE INSPECTOR GENERAL HIRES ONLY THE BEST!
