GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

We have recently acquired the “patriot.me.uk” and “patriot.uk” domains for use by individuals that wish to avoid our extremist approach to internet-based communications.

We seek to hire talented developers and administrators skilled in email servers who can ensure the highest level of security for email communication of our subscribers while allowing us complete access to the content and metadata of every email sent via our systems.

Email is for pedoterrorists. People surrendering to our system of complete control demonstrates that they have nothing to hide. However, we need to continually make sure that they have nothing to hide. As a team player, you will ensure that all subscribers conform to the British values of:

  • mass surveillance
  • torture
  • droning
  • censorship
  • imperialism
  • etc

Desired skills:

  • the ability to predict which emails are suspicious before they are sent;
  • the ability to ensure encryption is in place only when an approved email is sent.


  • seeing lots of emails of your friends and family
  • gym
  • salary £25,000 to £35,000