GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

We need a particularly nasty person to decide in which countries we should let terrorist attacks happen.

We use our surveillance apparatus to control our allies. If they don’t do as we want, we let terrorist attacks happen in their country by withdrawing cooperation.

This analyst role has two functions:

– To determine our allies compliance with our will.

– To determine how bad a terrorist attack to let happen in their country.

You will provide reports to your line manager where the Home Secretary will decide if allowing the terrorist attack is a necessary and proportionate act. Don’t worry, we have a policy of neither confirming nor denying anything.


– Good analytic skills.

– Imperialist mentality.


– Being a part of global compliance with our will.

– Health.

Salary: £25,000 – £35,000