GCHQ Careers & Jobs

Help us protect Britain from terrorists and paedophiles.

We have unprecedented access to webcams around the world via our Optic Nerve Programme.

You will know that 3% to 11% of this is undesirably nudity.

97% to 89% is desirable nudity!

We need a dedicated self-starter who can categorise the image streams. Our facial recognition system already adds in names and everything else we know about the individuals. Our Senior Management need a score rating of the attractiveness of the individuals for their own personal use.

This is unpaid given the amount of enjoyment we expect you can derive from this position. Unlimited vaseline is of course provided.